What a Pixar Movie Teaches About Emotional Intelligence- and How to Use It to Build Better Relationships

Most solid relationships are built upon two pillars of thought: Understanding and/or Appreciation & Trust. We can achieve these pillars in a few different ways. We can listen actively, showing interest and concern in their ideas. We can make others feel comfortable in sharing, thus allowing the person to feel at ease in opening up and being vulnerable.  Once someone feels comfortable sharing, they feel appreciated another is open to their ideas and thoughts.  By being open and honest with one another in a team environment, it allows each member to work in unity to solve problems and issues that may arise together in a more cohesive manner.

Emotional Intelligence, or EI, can be defined as “the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.”

Emotional Intelligence allows us to recognize and be in control of our emotions and therefore we are better capable to handle all relationships in a compassionate and wise manner. As we harness our emotions, we are able to apply them to problem-solving. A strong EI helps us understanding the emotions of others, and we can also manage these emotions by channeling them to cheer up or calm others in a difficult situation. We can even prioritize our emotions, which will help us better determine the actions we will take.

So, what does this have to do with Pixar? In 2015, Pixar released their movie Inside Out to the world, an animated film to immerse us in the mind, studying memories, human emotions and how they evolve during adolescence. Pixar worked directly with scientists, neurologists, psychologists and other experts to better understand how the mind works. In Pixar’s Inside Out we learn emotions drive our thinking and behavior.  And each behavior has a long-term effect on who we are and where our decisions take us.

While Pixar’s Inside Out is truly meant to be a children’s classic, it is not without its valuable lessons which teach us about EI. We learn 4 main valuable lessons:

• Respond- Not React. When we react to a situation with the most immediate emotion we feel, it may lead us to making decisions we eventually regret. By responding with something simple as "Let me get back to you on this." without an emotional reaction, we allow ourselves time for perspective. Why was our original emotion anger, or fear? When we realize what 'pushes our buttons' we are better capable of understanding why our initial reaction may not have been the best.
• Breakdown before the Breakthrough. We have all failed. It isn't until we fail that we learn the most about oneself. These moments are the key to learning about ourselves and our emotions. 
• Dare to Dream. The times we have failed or just 'missed the mark' are not for us to dwell on. We use these setbacks to gain experience. Each time we learn something new, it allows us one step closer to the success in the future we desire. 
• Empathy. We all need human connection. It is vital to our survival; we are a social species. However, it is not just the need to have people around, but the need to understand others as well as have others understand us. It is what makes us unique. Compassion, understanding and being inquisitive of others allows us to be more interconnected as a species. 

So, how do we adapt the lessons from this adolescent movie into everyday life and in everyday use. We can do a few minor changes in our behaviors to allow these changes:

1. Put out a Welcome Mat. Oftentimes we forget we can indirectly close others out. Keeping our work areas as 'always open' allows others to feel comfortable to approach us with ideas or concerns. Even in a telecommuting environment, utilizing IM programs in "available" mode allows others to feel at ease when sending direct messages.
2. Keep Communication Open. Lines of communication are often lost in translation. Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. Your message may get lost when your body language conveys a different message than you are presenting.
3. Follow-up with People. Have an e-mail sent to you by a fellow colleague but haven't had time to respond? Keeping the communication active allows others to not wait on you for follow-up, keeping an even flow of ideas flowing.
4. Respect Others' Time. We all are very busy and do not always have time to follow-up on every minor detail. By only putting pertinent people in correspondence allows others to not get unnecessary e-mails which they may not need to be involved in the decision-making process. Learning about e-mail etiquette can help overcome obstacles.
5. Staying Connected. In this day and age, we often forget we have lives outside of the office, especially during busy season. By utilizing "small talk", we show others we are caring and concerned for their lives outside of the office.
6. Being aware of the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. As we become more technology-centered, we lose our human connection. When we "fly off the handle" or speak to someone in a less-than-kind manner, we tend to forget each person we speak to has feeling and emotions just as we do. Just because you do not work with someone in person, does not mean you are not dealing with a person who is like yourself.

One of the most valuable lessons we can learn is that our IQ score may never change, but we have the ability to change and increase our EI score.  Paul Mohapel, a professor at San Diego City College, under the MESA program, created a quick EI assessment to see where students ranked on their Emotional Intelligence scores. While his test in not very in-depth, it only has 40 questions, it does allow a basic assessment on where most people can begin learning about their strengths and areas of weakness. Additionally, Psychology Today’s article “How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence- 6 Essentials” speaks about various ways to improve upon our EI scores daily. So, next time you sit down to watch a Pixar movie, think to yourself, "What can this teach me?"

It is very important to understand that Emotional Intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head- it is the unique intersection of both. - David Caruso